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Category Archives: Celebrity Masterchef

the brain works very weird at this hour

Yessssss, I managed to find an obscure lyric from a song called Alaska.  Get me.

OK. let’s not beat around the bush.  Poor, lovely, beardy Iain was sabotaged by the most evil pensioner in Britain, Diana.  Well, that’s what you would think by watching the furore unfold Wednesday evening and throughout Thursday.

After an exceedingly pleasant evening beginning with Expendables 3 (everyone needs more Dolph in their life, right?) and finishing with some yummy Chinese, we returned home and switched on Newsnight to find Kirsty donning a pinnie and introducing the ejected Iain Watters.  WHAT?  This would never have happened on Paxman’s watch.   Read the rest of this entry »

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don’t be afraid of it, it’s only a biscuit!

Dear Katy Brand,

Why oh why oh WHY did you start so well, with your pasta skills and your perfect pastry and ruin everything with a plate of custard and cat poo?  Now, chocolate tortellini filled with raspberry mousse sounded perfect. The white chocolate and cardamom sauce less so but it could have been enough to get you through.  No, what am I saying – if everyone else had a good day, you were definitely on your way out.  *SIGH*  Oh well, at least my other favourite, Shane Lynch is a dead cert for the final three …

Katy Brand

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go big or go home

Having spent a lovely week in Edinburgh seeing lots of Fringey things, the lady occupying the adjacent seat on my journey home decided to catch up with Celebrity Masterchef.  Yep, seen that one – he does something with a crocodile.  Oooh, not seen that one – concentrate on your book, Fanny.  No spoilers!

I managed to reach the comfort of my sofa not knowing the outcome so cracked on with some catching up of my own.

Phillips & friend

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shake your salad maker

Bucks Fizz once said “if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen”.  I have detested the weather in London this summer but two things have put a smile on my red, sweaty face; return trips to the Olympic stadium for the Anniversary Games (get over it, move on!) and having Celebrity Masterchef back on my telly – right from the start I could tell we were in for a good ‘un.

John: “COOKING DOESN’T GET TOUGHER THAN THIS!”
Gregg: “OI!  THAT’S MY LINE 🙂 ”

Heidi, Gregg, Janet, John?

Heidi, Gregg, Janet, John?

Excellent.  Our first contestants strut towards the camera.  Who have we got?  Professional grump, Janet Street-Porter.  All round sweetheart, Heidi Range.  Funny lady and champion Beyonce impersonator, Katy Brand.  Business woman and ex-Rolling Stone wife Jo Wood completes the first week’s line-up.

CHEESE!

CHEESE!

The eighth series is under way.  Has it really been that many?  I’m seeing clips of this year’s cooks and it’s all feeling a bit samey.  I’m sure I’ve seen Heidi and Katy wrestle with a mixing bowl before.  I know I’ve seen Janet yell at bessie mate Gordon Ramsay and discuss the best way to slaughter animals on Channel 4.  Clearly the show and the celebrities are upping their game.  It’s gonna be hard to top the last series, but you knew that already.

This year’s first week favourite is Katy.  She seems quite awesome and likes to fly by the seat of her cheffy pants.  Ravioli AND puff pastry?  Yep.  She pulls it off too, pretty much.  Heidi is lovely and smiley and her hands shake when holding a knife.  Jo ‘on tour’ Wood tells us how she learned how to cook while travelling the globe with a bunch of old fogies.  Jo could be classed as the ‘experimental’ one.  Crisps with prawn curry, sweet potato in the shepherd’s pie and coconut oil on something or other.  Janet is, well, Janet.

I’m struggling to work out Ms Street-Porter.  Yes, she has a shtick and she does it perfectly but would she continue to yell at those in authority when in a professional kitchen?  Apparently so.  John and Gregg may well giggle as they are told to ‘do one’ or ‘get stuffed’ by the former Independent on Sunday editor but huffing and tutting at a head chef in his own restaurant?  I would have loved to see Marcus Wareing deal with her.

Tales are told of service station pasties, eating at top restaurants and adapting a flight case into a camping stove.  Yes, Jo spent 30 years feeding her family on tour.  Did she mention that?

So, what about the cooking?  Largely it was impressive albeit with the obligatory ‘is it duck or pork?’ moment and the ‘are they really putting alcohol in the pudding when they’re about to fly on a trapeze?’ incident.  There was also a lot of non-cooking.  Possibly more salads in week one than I’ve seen in an entire previous series.  “This is Masterchef, not Master Salad Maker!”  Quite.

Gregg may be the face of Weight Watchers and two stones lighter but some things never change.  “I could much the living daylights out of that dish!”  Easy tiger.  What goes on tour …

 

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2013 in BBC, Celebrity Masterchef

 

le masterchef est mort, vive le masterchef!


OK.  Australian Masterchef.  If you have Watch TV.

A brief mourning followed the Olympics and a deeper mourning after the Paralympics so I was thrilled with the return of Celebrity Masterchef.  Any further sadness at CMC’s demise has been quelled by the start of OZ MC two weeks ago.  RESULT.  Does this mean my culinary comedown will be twice as bad in 10 weeks time?

For the uninitiated OZ MC is like the UK version on crack, as I explain here.

A tattoo loving, roller derby loving cook? Yes please!

Having missed the first week I was thrown into the deep end.  The final six contestants were chosen and off we went to the lovely house on the hill.

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and the winner was …

pretty obvious really.

Well done TV’s Emma Kennedy on winning Celebrity Masterchef 2012!  My favourite from the moment she graced my telly box.  That huge grin, just-got-out-of-bed hair and infectious enthusiasm had me from the get go.

“My mother is going to scream for about three months without stopping – we’re probably going to have to sedate her.”

The winning three-course menu was as follows:

*pea, mint and ricotta ravioli with pancetta butter and pea shoots

*pan fried turbot topped with samphire with vegetable filled leek cannelloni, crushed roast potatoes and a beurre blanc sauce

*Ile Flottante with almond praline topping and short bread biscuits

I knew she was on to a winner with the starter (I had scribbled a similar combination in my little recipe book only days before) and that pudding!  One of the best I’ve had at Koffmanns (la-de-dah, sorry!).

Someone had commented on the Digital Spy page ‘OK that Emma won. But wanted Danny Mills to win. Greg & John loved his fondant pud, so why he didn’t win I’ll never know’.  Because his main wasn’t 100%!  The second that John criticised his trout I knew Emma had won.

I’ll leave the last word to the Champion:

“It’s very weird putting on the MasterChef apron. It’s like getting an England cap and putting on an England shirt. It’s the culinary version of that. Not so much when you’re in the studio, but when you go on the outside challenges, you have the MasterChef badge on and you want to do them proud … It really is amazing. I can make tuile biscuits. I’m just happy with that. I can have that on my headstone. Emma Kennedy RIP, she could make good tuile biscuits. I’d take that”.

 

 
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Posted by on September 23, 2012 in BBC, Celebrity Masterchef, Gregg Wallace, John Torode

 

i’m not a celebrity, get me in there!

So, we’re at the end of week two in the Celebrity Masterchef kitchen and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.  I decided against the previous series – for some reason the fact that it was relegated to BBC1 lunchtime really put me off.  Having said that, 18:30 isn’t much better and I ‘series record’ it but, y’know, I couldn’t be arsed.  Seeing snippets of it on Saturday Kitchen each week has convinced me that I made the right choice.

Anyway, back to the here and now.  Week one, I’d say my stand out was Javine and week two definitely Emma.  I love Emma Kennedy, I want to be her friend.  I feel she is the CMC version of me.  As we are introduced to her, she conveys the giddy excitement that would take hold of any MC fan should they get that telephone call.  I imagine it would go a little bit like this:

Agent: Hi Emma.  So, the BBC got in touch and we discussed the possibility of you taking part in this years Celebrity Masterchef.  You’re a big fan, right?  Are you free for the next few weeks?

Emma: OHMYGODYESPLEASEMASTERCHEFISMYFAVOURITETHINGONTELLYEVERIWILLCANCELANYPLANS

Agent:  … I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then.

“to celebrate I might go home and try to make a quiche”

If I were to receive a similar call and end up in the famous MC kitchen, it would not be taken lightly had I replicated Emma’s joy at being there.  “Fanny, I get the distinct impression you’re not taking this seriously enough” would be John’s comment as I grin “But I am!  I’m just so excited to be here, I love you guys!”

Having been billed as a MC aficionado Emma made, as Gregg would say, a school boy error.  The final task of the week was the critics round – two courses for previous CMC contestants to sample.  It seems that Lisa Faulkner might get to attend all of these, lucky girl.  Or maybe not. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on August 25, 2012 in BBC, Celebrity Masterchef, Gregg Wallace, John Torode