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THREE STAR PORN

14 Mar

QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONS

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01dllbj

Why is India Fisher – who someone on Digital Spy recently described as an “aggravating, breathy droner” – ever more firmly channeling Chris Morris c.1994 in full-on Michael Burke mode?

Why can’t Sergio Herman, bearing a remarkable resemblance to Ed O’Brien from Radiohead, stop switching poutily between Michelin-drunk commandeur and pissant rock star? Nice jacket, though.

Why did Shelina get so stiffed with her three-star-kitchen task, being forced to make something that looked like an upmarket doner kebab with half the brigade staring at her and giggling?

Why hilarious whub whub pseudo-dubstep over the prep?

Why do I still have to sit through fifty near-identical reaction shots rather than even get the tiniest hint of how Andrew made his ten-out-of-fucking-ten potato leaf and potato cup fondue starter?

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6 responses to “THREE STAR PORN

  1. chef de cuisine

    March 14, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Oh, y’know – whip loads of egg yolks and ……. yeah, never did catch the recipe!
    Finals week is an odd one (particularly for the Professionals where every single thing every contestant did was 100% perfect), there are rarely any mistakes & the show is pointless & pretty much an excuse (as if he needs it) for Greg to eat great food in awesome restaurants. Then it all boils down to a 3 course meal cooked in the studio kitchen.

     
  2. takotsubo

    March 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Yep. There was a Gordon Ramsay ‘vehicle’ a while back where instead of going somewhere terrible and raging at people he went into lots of actually really good places, and tried to find something wrong, and mostly failed, and flailed around trying to find something to emote about. Still, I ended up going to one of the restaurants, so it wasn’t entirely pointless…

     
  3. chef de cuisine

    March 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

    So, is it worth Andrew & Tom turning up to the kitchen for tonight’s FINAL final? I felt for Andrew – he’s so cute, like a little woodland creature – BUT at this level of fine dining you should bloody well know what an amuse bouche is! He is also very pedestrian in the kitchen (he’s done this before in catering challenges). Although I objected to whittling down a small carrot to a TINY one, what a waste.

    If Tom can manage 3 completely faultless dishes, he might be in with a shout (liked the comment ‘THIS came from a guy who made that shitty lemon meringue pie???’ He’s my choice but it would be great to have a female winner. Tommi was a LONG time ago 😦

     
  4. syllabubdobdee

    March 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

    The reaction-shot tombola is becoming maddening: it emerged with the US version of Hell’s Kitchen I think, where I really don’t trust it. It’s a speedread guide to character and relationships, but I suspect it is often fabricated from other, more complex (less filmable) incidents.

    I also wish there was more how-to, but it’s hard to see how it couldn’t derail the tight drama, and I fear I am addicted to that. I kind of love the music: this is the meaning of Coldplay, and well done them for finding their true use-niche! (Not that I ever know when it IS Coldplay, I seem to have led a blissed existence “retaining my objectivity” in their direction…)

     
  5. syllabubdobdee

    March 16, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I have to admit I was watching for tumbles from the high wire at this stage! The difference was going to be made by blunders: Shelina made none, Andrew made a silly error (his old one: one taste too many) and Tom didn’t quite get his pud right. (Actually I also thought his tuile basket was a bit crap, lookwise, but that on its own would not have been a clincher, I don’t think.)

     
  6. chef de cuisine

    March 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Unfortunately I fell hook, line & kitchen-sinker into the old “OHNOHE’SNOTGONNAMAKEITINTIME!” with the shots of Tom, 5 mins to go & his uncooked paaaasta, d’oh!

    Until his pudding, I thought for a fleeting moment that Tom could pull it off – who was I kidding, it was Shelina all the way. Particularly since the only things they could find in the intro package of her stuffing up was during the first 2 weeks (“Tom has to get over his timing issue” … “Andrew puts too many flavours on the plate” … “Shelina … er, once she served underdone lamb, like, 2 months ago”).

    I don’t think there’s as much Coldplay as you think Mr S but I HATE their constant thing of dropping a beat & adding a ‘CHOP’ or ‘WHIZ’ – annoying!

    There is quite a bit of swearing on MC Oz, something I like v much so it was great to get a near swear from John “that was f– fantastic!” 🙂

     

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